RANSVESTIA

went to the club car and sat down at a writing desk and wrote a letter to Betty. By this time I had figured out what my distress was all about and I had to tell her. I had broken down in the hotel room because this was the first time in my life that another human being, knowing the true facts, had nevertheless treated me just like I wanted to be treated-i.e., like another woman. That had been so sublime an experience, going window shopping with another woman and ex- claiming over fashions and things of interest to women, in short just being a woman with a woman. And then being sufficiently a woman to be the object of masculine attention in the lounge, etc. was just too much. So when I started to undress, which meant having to leave that beautiful and satisfying experience, it just broke me up completely.

I got to L.A. early in the morning of Tuesday and went right to the office. That night and the next at home I was unduly preoccupied and by Thursday my mind was made up. This experience in San Francisco made it clear to me that I was blackmailing myself in a sense by being afraid to admit to anyone what I was. I realized that the person in the world that I wanted least to know about me was my father and therefore I resolved to tell him myself to break the blackmail. On Saturday I phoned him, told him there was something important that I wanted to talk over with him, that I didn't want to do it at home and would he meet me at one of the parks. In some bewilderment he did. I got dressed at home all but the dress and shoes, put my man's over- coat over the rest and carried a bag of the other necessities and drove to an open unimproved area not too far away and completed the transformation. I then drove to the park, found my father's car parked and got out and walked to it. Naturally he was baffled and surprised and I spread it all out for him. We talked a little about it and he suggested that I see an endocrinologist friend of his and take male hormones. I said "no way" because I knew that that would only increase my beard, deepen my voice further and make my trans- formation to my femmeself even more difficult. Finally we parted company and for one solid year thereafter there was not one word spoken by him relating to what I'd told him. He had a big rug in his head and he swept quite a pile of things under it and that's evidently where I ended up.

Well, a few months after that my wife took my son and went to Minneapolis to visit her sisters. While she was there she went to see a psychiatrist unbeknownst to me. Her mother was working for my aunt as a companion down in Galesburg, Illinois. So I flew back to meet

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